I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
