i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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