i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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