all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize