What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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