I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
