he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
