so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
