She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
