so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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