best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
