Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
