Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
