You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
how drunk are you?
Several
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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