Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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