Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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