i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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