She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
