Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
