I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Less talking, more tequila
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
