u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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