85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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