i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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