Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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