I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
