Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
