That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
