Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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