i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
