If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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