Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
