The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
