recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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