just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
