Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
