He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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