what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
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he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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