Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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