Tell her she can't have a vagina
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
