sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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