It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize