hotel room ftw
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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