It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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