dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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