We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
