she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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