i think i have herpe
just one?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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