I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
