I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
