i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
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Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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