Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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