is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
porn star boner night. come get it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
