I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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