Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
