You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
