so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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