The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
