yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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